An Argument With a Narcissist Goes Like This

Lori Moulton
6 min readFeb 1, 2023

Beware of their toxic toolbox.

Woman holding her head in anguish as a man behind her yells
Photo courtesy of Pexels for Canva

How the Argument Starts

An argument with a narcissist can start one of two ways. Either, you have a complaint about something the narcissist has or has not done, or the narcissist is having a need for narcissistic supply. When you have a complaint about, say, the narcissistic person not helping around the house, or they made a hurtful comment about you in front of others, for example, you want to address it by making a request. A normal, healthy person might say, “Oh, I didn’t even think about you needing help with the laundry. I will wash all the darks today. Will that help?” Or they might apologize for the hurtful comment and promise to do better, which means you will see an improvement. But, a narcissistic person will not respond in a healthy way.

Sometimes the narcissist is feeling insecurities from something that has nothing to do with you. Maybe they are concerned about a work issue, a large bill coming up, or a problem with another family member. When they feel stressed and insecure, they need to find a way to get relief. Usually, it’s the person they live with, that they are closest to, that they take out their frustrations on. They pick an argument with you.

The Narcissist’s Toolbox of Argument Tactics



Lori Moulton

Certified Transformational Coach, Masters in School Counseling, Teacher, helping others heal from emotionally abusive relationships and build self-love..