If You Really Want Healthy Relationships, You Can’t Keep Trying So Hard, And Here’s Why

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You pride yourself on loving others and being a generous person

People would describe you as one of the most kind, loving people they know. You love deeply and take caring for your loved ones seriously. Sometimes you over give. You work so hard at making sure you are doing your part in the relationship, that sometimes you ignore when the other person is not doing their part.

I was listening to a podcast, where Naomie Olindo, from the TV show, Southern Charm, was describing a scenario that happened to her. She was on the podcast, The Skinny Confidential, explaining to Lauryn and Michael Bosstick about a time when her then boyfriend, asked her to fly home, get all of their things and drive them back to New York in a large truck while he waited for her there. Lauryn asked Naomie why she would say yes to packing everything up and driving a huge truck alone. She said it felt normal to her. Naomie said it was because she was so used to just getting things done, and her boyfriend never really participating.

Naomie’s over giving probably started with one incident where she was trying to be nice. The second time it happened, she probably wasn’t feeling so nice, but she made excuses for her boyfriend’s bad behavior. “He was working a lot of hours.” “He was tired after a long day.” Never mind that she had a TV show and a thriving career of her own. It was okay to be generous in her mind, because she cared about this person. Fast-forward a few days from the moving incident, and she found out he was cheating on her, and had been for some time.

Are you the only one giving in your relationships?

Don’t get me wrong, you should absolutely be generous, loving and kind. You should definitely do your part to mend misunderstandings, and compromise on disagreements. But, consider these things in order to have happy relationships with all of the people in your life, not just a partner:

• Does the other person work at your relationship too?
• Are they supportive of your goals and desires?
• Do they prioritize spending time with you?
• Do you feel valued and listened to?